TRASH CAT LIT

Gill O’Halloran

Alcohol tolerance decreases with age, so moderation is key.

Freeze a bottle of brandy till it bulges. Smash it after dark and let its defrosting amber meander through the night, soak into the leaves. Eat their autumn secret and grow beautiful and bold.

*

Diminished sexual desire in the elderly is common.

There’s a man in your garden. He’s been in a bothy; you, in your bedroom. Pincer him till his backbone bends in submission and you both sway like drunks.

*

A cross-sectional study suggests beneficial effects of choir singing on the well-being of older adults.

Fuck the choir: become a sedge warbler. Sing in a terracotta pot of monocots till the nightingales are jealous. Give the late risers a dawn chorus at noon.

*

Gentle dancing is an excellent, low-impact exercise for the elderly.

Become a techno DJ: find your local cemetery and play space funk for the dead. Jump with them to the bass drops. When the soundboard blows, leave – it’s not yet time to join them.

*

Sharing your home with a younger person can be an affordable alternative to live-in support.

Offer your spare room to ageing Druids; watch them build temples under the cherry tree in your garden. When the squashed cherries fall into your handkerchief, say you’ve a nasal tumour and watch your neighbours stumble for words.

*

While commercially grown store-bought mushrooms are generally safe, eating them can be risky for seniors.

Lick the lichen off next-door’s sycamores, grow mycelium in your mouth and French-kiss all your friends.

*

Maintaining dignity in older age protects self-worth, supports autonomy, and ensures a higher quality of life.

Thing is, you can do anything now – nobody’s looking. Sometimes you wish they would.

Gill O’Halloran is a lido-loving Londoner. First published by Trash Cat Lit, she won the 2025 NFFD Anthology Editors Award and features in its 2026 anthology. Her work appears in SmokeLong Quarterly, New Feathers, BULL, JMWW, Flash Boulevard, Bath and Oxford anthologies. Winner of Westword and Flash500, her poetry collection was included in the Top 20 Small Press Poetry list.
@quickasaflash.bsky.social

Connect with Gill

• Bluesky